Pet Peeves

Before I get started with my list of karaoke pet peeves, keep in mind that I love all of you - some more than others, of course. And, even though some behaviors can be quite annoying, I always keep in mind that many of you are drinking, sometimes heavily. So, absent someone breaking my equipment or getting physical with me, I forgive your missteps quickly, often with just a roll of the eyes. As with many things, timing affects my degree of annoyance.  If it's not busy, then I let a lot of "peeves" slide. However, if the bar is packed and I have thirty or forty people in the rotation, constantly bugging me is far less appreciated. One last thing. These are pet peeves, emphasis on pet. Although there are some chronic pains in the ass, the vast majority of you are wonderful and I wouldn't love karaoke so much without you. With that caveat, let's get started!

1) Am I Next?
    I take pride in trying to be as fair as humanly possible. As I dj, a number of things are happening. I might be adjusting sound levels, adding people and their song selections to the rotation, picking songs for bumper music or thinking about snarky things to say on the mic. If you walk into a crowded bar and hand me a request slip, don't expect to be next. Everyone gets their turn. A song can last anywhere between three and five minutes on average. I cannot warp time for you no matter how much I wish I had this power. If you are constantly asking me if you are next, it's just annoying. On the other hand, if it's clear I am not in the middle of something and you ask me how long a wait it will be, I will do my best to give you a decent estimate.

2) Stage Name Changes
     I totally get stage names. I have one - Sid Stein. If you have one too, that's great. However, if you think you can change your stage name every time you submit a request slip hoping to trick me into thinking you are a new singer, forget it. You might get away with it once on a busy night, but don't expect it will work twice. It's not fair to people who have been patiently waiting for their turn. What you can expect is a very long wait before you get to sing again.

3) Come On, Sid, Bump Me Up, We Go Back A Long Way - The Guilt Trip
    One of the great aspects of being a karaoke dj is all the people I get to meet and become friendly with. However, if I haven't seen you in three years, please don't try to guilt me into bumping you up in the rotation because "we're old friends, Sid." Assuming we were, and unless you moved away and are visiting, where the hell have you been? I really don't think it warrants pissing off my regulars. It's just trying to take advantage of a relationship which probably didn't really exist anyway.

4) Submitting A Request Slip With Only One Name When You Know Your Friend Who Just Sang Is Joining You
     If you are new to my show and don't understand how I work the rotation, I am understanding. Dj's have different philosophies about how to work the rotation. So, if you haven't been to one of my shows, it's up to me to explain to you after the song how I do things. I won't embarrass you. I will just ask you to be more specific about who will be singing with you, so one person doesn't get up three times in a row because he or she is merely "accompanying a friend." However, if you are aware of my dj'ing style, you're just being greedy.

5) Booing
     Just wrong.  Don't do it. We're trying to have fun. It's not amateur night at the Apollo Theater.

6) Bringing Me The Songbook
   If the song is in the songbook, trust me - it's there. If you bring the songbook over to me during the show to point out which song you want to sing, keep in mind that the room is usually dark, my eyes focus at a different distance than yours and I can't see through your finger. There are request slips which you can fill out if you want to get into the rotation. You can even tell me the name of the song. I really can't see through your finger.  Leave the book at the table.

7) Do You Know That Song On The Radio?
     I usually do, but try to be more specific than la la la la. As you hum the melody in my ear while the music is playing, I can't hear you that well anyway. A hint would be helpful.  Try to give me at least part of the title or the name of the artist.

8) Do You Know That Song by The Beatles?
     Sure I do. I just can't guess which one you are thinking about. Everyone has a smartphone these days. Google that shit!

9) That's My Jam!
     If your "jam" is a popular song, the chances are high that someone else will like it too. Please don't get mad at me because someone requested it first. Why were you late in the first place? There's always next time.

10) Grabbing The Microphone
     This is one which really pisses me off. Everyone is waiting for their turn to shine. Don't ever jump up and grab a singer's mic or my mic so you can sing along. I don't care if it's "Don't Stop Believing" or "Bohemian Rhapsody." Wait your turn! If it's a song like "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the end of the night and I know you're friends with the singer, chances are that I will hand you a mic anyway.  Be polite!

11) Put Me Up Next.  I Am Great!
     Unless your name is Shakira, and you are actually "the" Shakira, forget about it. I would make an exception for a Make-A-Wish kid. Besides, if you were really that great, you'd probably be getting paid to sing. Karaoke is for fun only.

12) Doing The Roger Daltrey
     Please don't swing the microphone by the cord around your head. For starters, it's dangerous. Microphones cost money, so don't abuse my equipment.  And, you're not Roger Daltrey.

13) You're A Hot Girl And You Rub Up Against Me Hoping To Get Bumped Up In The Rotation
     Okay, I don't really mind this, but just don't expect it to work.

14) Handing Me 20 Bucks To Get Up Soon
     I don't mind this. It works. Otherwise, you'll get up when it's your turn.

15) It's My Birthday! Make me next!
     This depends on the situation. If we're at a big bar, don't assume that you are the only person having a birthday. I'll do my best so you don't have to wait too long, but be a little patient. If it's a smaller bar with fewer people, I will usually accommodate you pretty quickly. On the other hand, don't let my catch you lying about this.

16) Yelling At Me Because You Think I Skipped Over You
     First of all, I didn't skip over you. As more and more singers come into the bar, I have to insert them into the rotation somewhere so they aren't waiting two hours to sing. I try to do this as fairly as possible based on when you came in and when the new person arrived. It's not always perfect, but keep in mind that I am trying my best. It's hard to keep track of everyone and when they entered the bar. So, if you sang after Sam the first time, but not the second time, that's the reason. New people. And yelling at me? Not a smart approach.

17) The Stare
     Some people will sit and stare at me until their name gets called. First of all, it's kind of creepy. Secondly, it doesn't speed up time. Staring at me won't affect your spot in the rotation, but maybe you should try doing something else while you wait. Talk to other people. You're at a bar.

18) Screaming On The Mic
     The microphones actually work and amplify your voice. No one likes screaming. Really.

19) Scowling At Me As You Stomp Out The Door Because You Didn't Get To Sing When You Wanted
     Really? How old are you?

20) Forgetting Your Stage Name
     If you are using a stage name, try to remember it. When I call you up and you don't respond, I will move on to the next singer after a few tries. So if you are skipped over, you only have yourself to blame. Don't get mad at me.

Except for a few of these, like booing, damaging my equipment or being mean or physically abusive, you'll find that I am pretty tolerant and cooperative. These are pet peeves for the most part. If you come to karaoke, come to have fun. Be patient and enjoy yourself! There's always next time.