Karaoke Angels

This is a delicate subject because I don't want to come across as the creepy, older guy, a title I try hard to avoid.  Nevertheless, the phenomenon of karaoke angels in my work life is a worthy topic, and actually a very sweet one.

Before I became a karaoke DJ, or KJ, if you prefer, I was just one of the singers who hung out at the bar waiting for my turn in the rotation.  One of my friends was "dating" the DJ, at least off and on, and I became friendly with him as well.  As time went on, he asked me if I would be interested in filling in for him on nights he had a conflict or if he away on vacation.  Thus began my karaoke odyssey as a DJ.

I tried to learn as much as I could about being a successful DJ.  At first, I studied the technical aspects. With time, I developed my own do's and don'ts, especially with regard to how to handle the rotation and trying to make the singers sound as good as possible.

As important as the technical aspect of being a DJ is, the human element is especially crucial in karaoke.  A DJ wants to be as entertaining as possible, keep singers happy and maintain a good flow to the show. Singers have different needs as well.  Some are very outgoing, some shy and some drunk. I work in a bar, after all.

Another aspect about which I sometimes get teased or applauded is all the lovely young women who come to my shows, many of whom are the same ages as my children.  As much as I try to keep that in mind, there is no denying their charm. And as anyone in the bar business knows, it's always good to have women at the bar.  Just a fact of life. And before you think I am somehow obsessed with younger women, think again.  I work at night, often very late.  My karaoke demographic skews to the younger side.  It's just how it is in a late night business.  I get a lot of younger people at my shows.  People in my age demographic are often in bed by the time things really get going.  So there!

So, as I was learning my trade, I also watched how my DJ mentor handled the social scene.  He was younger than I but still older than many of the singers. Enter the weird part.

Allow me to backtrack a bit. People come in to sing and aren't always aware of the state of the rotation, i.e. how many people are singing, when they arrived, how many times they have already sung, etc.  I understand as well as anyone the "need" to sing and to get up to the microphone as soon as possible.  I try my best to balance all the factors to make sure everyone has a good time.

Nevertheless, some people will try to get their songs bumped up in the rotation. Some are better at it than others - by offering to buy me a drink or giving me a tip.  Some plead.  Some try to stare me down.  For me, the hardest tactic to resist is the flirt by a pretty young woman.  I admit it.  "Please, Sid!  Can I sing next?" Add pouty lips, beseeching eyes, and sometimes, I turn to mush.  Add alcohol and some of these women can get overly friendly.  Help!  I'm only human!

And this is where I really had to grapple with my role as a DJ. My mentor had one approach which I had to reject. He got overly friendly too, more than simply flirting in return.  Grabby, really.  Yes, he was younger and closer to their age, but I thought it was unprofessional.  Don't get me wrong.  I flirt too, but I really try hard not to cross the line. I try to keep in mind that these women are similar in age to my kids. I'm not perfect at it, but I do try to behave.

Still, as much as I try, I also learn how spectacular these women are. With time, something else happens too. As I see my singers week after week, they become my friends or at least part of my karaoke family. The more I get to know them, the less I think about age differences. They are adults, after all, fully capable of adult conversation and interaction. I stop seeing them as only pretty women and start seeing them as just who they are. And if I'm single, and they are single, well? Who wouldn't want to date them? "If only I was younger" is something I tell myself quite often. As much as the little devil on my shoulder tells me that they aren't my daughters, the little angel tries to keep me in check.  So, I had to make a professional decision. How was I going to handle this attention from beautiful young women?

I came up with the idea of karaoke angels.  They brighten my night and put a smile on my face. When I see one of my angels, I am happy. It's a different kind of love but just as rewarding. Thank you angels!  You know who you are. You are a big part of why I love karaoke. And if I start sounding like the weird, creepy old guy, slap me. And, as much as I love you, just don't expect that you will automatically get bumped up in the rotation  Sid out!





  

Karaoke Pu**y

Tuesdays are my hip hop nights at karaoke.  Hip Hop is not a euphemism for African-American even though the crowd is mostly black. As much as I would like to get into a discussion about race and racism in today's society, I think I'll save my pontificating for a future blog entry.

Hip hop nights follow a different formula from my other karaoke gigs.  Usually, I have singer after singer requesting karaoke songs.  On hip hop night, we welcome and promote original music along with karaoke. Thanks to the advent of modern technology, it's easy for someone to bring a music file on a flash drive or their phone which I can play while the person sings or raps.  And if truth be told, Albany has got some talent!

On the poster publicizing my Tuesday night gig, it says Open Mic/Karaoke.  Now the chances of someone seeing the poster who doesn't know it's hip hop night are slim, but as I was unloading my equipment last night, a scraggly youth with a guitar and a back pack asked me if there was going to be music.  I told him there would be once I got set up, secretly hoping that he wouldn't stay. It's not that I don't appreciate guitar, and it's not that my show is Amateur Night at the Apollo where you can be booed off stage, but I didn't see anything good coming out of a performance by this kid.  Maybe I just didn't want to hear some whiny song about how his girlfriend dumped him or why he doesn't get along with his parents.  Am I stereotyping?  In any event, he didn't return.

I did, however, have some open mic contestants.  The first was a rapper who blew the crowd away.  When he was done, I told him that we award 1-5 points based on three criteria - beats, rhymes and performance. We don't actually judge performers, but I thought I would ad lib some levity as a way to compliment him.  I told him him that I could only award 14 out of a possible 15 points because his performance lacked a twerker.  I laid the blame squarely on the women in attendance who watched but didn't dance even though the rap was totally twerkable.  He was happy with my assessment, got a huge round of applause and we were all happily entertained.

Then, as I was playing some bumper music (that's the music I play in between singers), a woman approached me and asked if she could read a poem.  She thought it was an open mic poetry night but still wanted to be included.  I said, of course.

So, I called her up, shushed the crowd, and she began.  "The name of my poem is 'Pussy.'"  WHAT!?  Pussy?  She must have said "pussy" about 50 times during her poem.  If you weren't thinking about pussy when you walked in, you were now.  It was actually a pretty thoughtful poem focusing on the empowerment of women and how they shouldn't be defined solely by their pussy.  Still, she used the word a lot.

Before she was done, I had already hatched a plan.  I cued up 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny." As soon as the poem was finished, I waited for the applause to subside and announced "I love Pussy (pregnant pause, pun intended), the Poem!  I received my requisite rolling of the eyes when everyone realized what song I was playing. I added that I really do love pussy but that the poem was great too.

You would think that would be enough about pussy for one night but I wasn't finished.  "Me love you long time."  I followed 2 Live Crew with "Tapout" by Birdman featuring Nicki Minaj who sings about her million dollar pussy.  On the mic, I admitted that Nicki Minaj has a million dollar pussy; because let's face it, if you don't have a million dollars, you ain't hittin' that. I added that if I am spending a million dollars on pussy, I'm not using a rubber.   Sid out!





 

Creepy!

There are literally thousands of karaoke songs from which to choose.  When I first started singing karaoke, I remember sitting with the songbook and scanning page after page looking for songs I might be able to sing. The selection is daunting.  I've seen people spend well over an hour looking for a song before choosing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing," one of the most requested karaoke songs of all-time.  It's cute when the person handing me the request slip, adds: "You're gonna love it!"

As the DJ, you can learn a lot about people based on the songs they choose to sing.  Of course, the primary thing you learn is a person's musical tastes, which sometimes can be quite revealing about who they are.  Do they pick happy songs all the time?  Dark, brooding ballads?  Love songs?  Sad love songs? Some people are adventurous with their selections, some play it safe. Some like whatever is popular on Top 40.  In general, though, people pick songs with which they are familiar from high school or college. Therefore, the more diverse the crowd, the greater the variety of songs you'll hear. Personal taste aside, everyone (and their musical taste) is welcome at my show except for Neo-Nazis.  I really can't stand Nazis or anyone else on the radar of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

However, there is one song which always leaves me scratching my head - "Creep" by Radiohead. Let me say this first.  It's a great song.  It's also very hard to sing.  There is an extremely high part which only very good singers should attempt.  That being said, I don't really care which song a person chooses.  Karaoke is not necessarily about great singing.  It's something to do at a bar for fun, even if some people take their singing way too seriously.  Some people play pool, some shoot darts, some sing.  As long as everyone is having a good time, I am happy.

What makes we wonder about "Creep" is why so many people identify with it.  And to be truthful, I love the song too. But why do people seemingly identify with the lyrics - "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here?"  When someone sings it, people sing along - with fervor.  Are we really that dysfunctional as a society? Are we all so lonely and feeling weird?

Another great thing about karaoke is that it allows people to work through their emotions.  Did you just go through a break up?  Sing a sad love song.  Get a new job?  Sing something happy.  But what are you feeling when you sing "Creep?"

Here are some possibilities: 1) You just like the song for its own sake, you're a great singer and you can nail it; 2) you are down in the dumps for whatever reason and feeling lonely; 3) you're a creep; 4) you're a weirdo, or; 5) you're a serial killer.

I've actually had some marginally creepy people sing this song over the years.  Creeped me out, anyway. So if you're creepy and asking what the hell you're doing in public, maybe you should leave and get some serious help.   Just saying.











 

September

According to my world vision of karaoke, the goal of a good karaoke DJ, or KJ, if you prefer, encompasses more than merely calling up the next singer and playing his or her song selection.  DJ's are in the business of entertainment, and as such, should be entertaining.  For example, I don't believe there should ever be any "dead air" between singers, so I always play music until the next singer is ready to go, even if just for part of a song.  I also believe that every DJ should personalize their shows with their own style and flair.

I try humor -  sometimes successfully, sometimes not.  I get enough laughs or groans to offset the empty stares when a joke or comment fails, so I keep trying.  Often, I'm told that I have no filter, leading some to call me "DJ Inappropriate."  I can live with that.  Most people realize it's humor, or at least, attempted humor.

Sometimes, the songs themselves suggest the jokes.  And so it happened the other night.

An acquaintance of my late father came in to sing a few.  He is closer to my age and worked at the car dealership where my father bought his cars over the years.  He was quite exuberant with his singing and sang well.  He was having fun and wanted to continue the "flow" with an upbeat song.  He requested the Earth, Wind and Fire classic, "September."  I was pleasantly surprised with his rendition.

As he walked back to his seat after finishing the song, I said:  "As you know, my father passed away last year.  As he lay dying, he pulled me over so I could hear him and whispered: 'ba de ya de ya de ya," and then he died.  His last words were 'ba de ya de ya de ya?"  Who does that?  What kind of last words are those? Did he really want me to remember that his last words were lyrics to an Earth, Wind and Fire song?  I thought about it for a while and decided he was telling me to enjoy life to its fullest. After all, it's a very upbeat, positive song. But Earth, Wind and Fire?

Most of the regulars who are accustomed to my (dark) humor, chuckled or shook their heads, those that were paying attention, at least. However, I could see that my father's acquaintance was genuinely sad that I had reminded him of my father's passing. I walked over and gave him a hug, telling him that my father thought he was a great guy and valued their friendship.  That seemed to work.  It was true, too.

To be totally honest, I have no idea what possessed me to make those comments after the song.  I am sure it had something to do with the fact that the singer knew my dad.  But why that song in particular?  The guy sang at least three other songs.

When I arrived home, it struck me. The first line of the song is: "Do you remember the 21st night of September?"  Even though I know the song well and have heard it hundreds of times, I googled the lyrics just to make sure, because I was incredulous.  My dad passed away on September 21st.  It's a night I will never forget.

And, I love karaoke.  

Thank You, Ray J

You might think that being a karaoke DJ is a great way to meet women.  Consider the facts: 1) Karaoke takes place at a bar; 2) Bars serve alcohol; 3) women consume alcohol which impairs their judgment; and 4) everyone is having a great time.  The reality is quite different, especially since most of the women who come to karaoke are young enough to be one of my daughters.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not that I wouldn't date a much younger woman, even at the risk of making my own daughters sick.  They don't want to date me and I can't blame them, as cute and compelling as I am. Many of them love me - just not in that way. And honestly, I don't have a problem with that.  At my shows, I am just happy to entertain. I really love what I do. I still flirt with them.  I always loved to flirt.

So you ask, what about women in my own demographic?  Most of them are already in bed by the time karaoke really gets rolling.  If they come out at all, they are usually gone before I have a chance to turn around.  Women who are age appropriate for me are more likely to enjoy dinner and a show/movie.  I understand that too.  They already did the bar scene and don't really want to hang out with people their kids' ages. And, they don't want to stay up until 2 or 3 am when I often finally get home.

So, it was with gleeful surprise when one night as I was packing up, an attractive, younger woman asked me to take her home - not to her house, to mine! We had become friendly at karaoke but since she was considerably younger, I never took the thought of dating her very seriously.  Still, the offer was out there.  I took it.

As it turned out, we dated for about six months until politics and religion got in the way.  We broke up, but life goes on.  It happens.

I am going to try my best to be honest here.  I developed genuine feelings for this woman.  Despite the ideological differences, we had fun together.  When we broke up, I felt a loss.

Loss is something we all have to deal with at some point and it certainly wasn't the first time a relationship ended.  I was prepared, or at least cognizant, of the emotions I would be facing.

I wasn't expecting what happened next.  The very day after we broke up, she walks into my show with a new guy.  Who does that?  Was she trying to make me jealous?  Insanely mad? Oh yeah, I asked her about him.  She claimed he was "just a friend."

Whatever, right?  Some of my friends told me to ignore her - she was just trying to make me jealous.  That lasted until my next show when she brought him again, and then again.

For most people, this wouldn't be more than a maddening annoyance.  If your ex shows up at a bar, you can easily go somewhere else if it bothers you.  As the DJ, I couldn't go anywhere.  I had to work.  I am expected to be professional and contain my emotions.  And so I did, as much as it rankled me.

Thanks to the bartender, I even received a explanation for my ex's apparent need to come to my shows. She told him that the mere fact that we broke up shouldn't prevent her from doing what she enjoyed - singing karaoke - or from hanging out with her friends.  Yes, it sounds reasonable, but really?  Couldn't she have waited at least a month for the wounds to heal?

Time went by and seeing her with her new boyfriend became less dramatic for me.  It was still annoying.

And then it happened!  The stars aligned in my favor!  And by stars, I mean Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and Ray J.  In case you don't recall, Kim Kardashian appeared in a sex tape with Ray J.  He's a hip hop artist.  They broke up too.  Now she's with Kanye.  So what did Ray J do?  He came out with a song called "I Hit It First."  Check it out on YouTube.

As a side note, I love karaoke.  My motto is "promoting better living through karaoke"  and I take it seriously.  My mission is to make people happy and lift their spirits through singing. No matter how you are feeling, sad, happy, triumphant or drunk, there's a song for you.  However, just as there is a dark side of "The Force,"  there's a dark side to karaoke.  I don't like to go there, but sometimes I just can't resist, and so I did.

With boyfriend in tow, my ex came in as expected.  I waited for the right moment and played the song. She was pissed.  Immature of me?  Totally. Satisfying?  Totally!

Thank you, Ray J!