Let me start by saying that there are very few songs I actually hate. I may not love or enjoy them but hate is a strong word. There is even a song called "Hate" by a former local group, China White, which I actually love. Rather, this post will be about songs which a lot of people actually love, but which as a DJ, I often wish would go away. Every karaoke DJ knows what I am talking about. Each has his or her own personal list, but the point is the same. When someone submits a request slip with one of these songs, it makes the DJ cringe.
There are different reasons why I might "hate" a song. If it's a busy night and someone wants to sing a very long song, it creates a dilemma for me. I want the customer to be happy, but if the song is twice as long as an average selection, it's not really fair to the other singers. It's akin to getting two songs in a row. On the other hand, if it's a slower night, I don't mind at all. Then there are songs which I have simply heard way too many times. I am sure you have all suffered from the "overplayed song" syndrome on the radio. Before you start worrying, I am not talking about your own "go to" songs that you sing every time you come into karaoke. Rather, I am referring to certain songs that people everywhere want to sing over and over, especially because they think they are "awesome," "great" or better than the original. They usually aren't. The people who sing these songs usually aren't karaoke regulars. If they were, they wouldn't pick these songs anyway. The latest hit song is also dangerous. It might be popular but beyond the ability of most singers. That might get me thinking - seriously?
Before you get your panties all up in a bunch, sing whatever you want. Unless there is a real issue, like a time constraint, I will let you sing your song. A long song even helps me sometimes. I might need a bathroom break or want to get a drink from the bar. So don't worry. I love you and I love karaoke. At the end of the day, I just want you to have a good time, even if I hate what you're singing.
So here is a list of some of the songs which are my pet peeves, in no particular order. And again, just because one of them happens to be a favorite of yours, don't worry about it. It's just karaoke.
"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
Depending on who sings it, this song can either be a lot of fun or excruciatingly painful. It's also one of the most popular karaoke songs of all time, which means I have to hear it a lot. I'll admit that I have never been a fan of Journey, but no one can deny that Steve Perry could sing the shit out of this song. Very often, a group of people gets up to sing it, so I don't mind too much. I like to see a lot of people having fun at once. Unfortunately, it often leads to screaming because most people can't reach the high notes. Where is Steve Perry when you need him?
"My Immortal" by Evanescence
It's a song which starts: "I'm so tired of being here.." DJ's should pass out razor blades when someone gets up to sing this song. It's not just sad, it's nauseating. There are some great sad songs. This is not one of them. And if you're "so tired of being here," then maybe you should just go home. Maybe this song shouldn't be on the list because I don't really love to hate it. I just hate it.
"American Pie" by Don McLean
Growing up, I loved Don McLean and this song. I still love the song but I almost always hate it at karaoke, even though the crowd loves to sing along to the chorus. First of all, it's a very long song, so it takes time away from other singers. It's also deceptively hard to sing, especially for most of the people requesting it. Bye, bye Miss American Pie.
"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice
There are plenty of reasons this song could be on the list but I don't have the space to discuss them in this blog. I guess I do because it's my blog, but who would want to read a treatise? Since the bass line is stolen from Queen and David Bowie's "Under Pressure," it's undeniably catchy. The real reason I hate this song at karaoke is because most of the people who sing it really can't keep up with the lyrics. Ed, if you're reading this, you are always welcome to sing it. Unfortunately, many people have come up to me guaranteeing that they can "kill it." They usually do. R.I.P.
"Killing Me Softly" by The Fugees
I love this song. I sing it at karaoke. I love the Roberta Flack original too. That one even has an extra verse. Lauryn Hill, who sings it in the Fugees version, is a magnificent talent, as crazy as she is. It's no wonder that so many women love this song. Unfortunately, as much as many of the singers attempting to sing this song love Lauryn Hill or fantasize about being as talented as Lauryn Hill, they don't come close. In the hands of the right singer, it's a pleasure. However, every time someone new comes into karaoke and requests this song, I pray that they don't ruin it for me. Another problem with it is that so many women consider it their "jam." "This is my jam," they shout. Then they try to sing over the person on the mic. Lauryn Hill is one of the biggest divas of all time. Having ten divas all "singing" together can be maddening.
"Piano Man" by Billy Joel
Another great song by a great artist. I even have the single on 45. I'm old. Deal with it. I hate this song at karaoke for the same reasons as I hate "American Pie." Both often end up as a shit show.
"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
A very fun song in the hands of the right person. Like "Ice Ice Baby," it's a novelty song loved my many. Why so many people think that they can pull it off well just because they like it is due to only one reason. Too much alcohol.
"Wannabe" by The Spice Girls
First of all, it's usually misspelled on request slips because most people want to spell it correctly. And trust me, there are a lot of bad spellers out there. The Spice Girls were hugely popular and this is their biggest hit so it makes sense that it is requested fairly often, especially by young women wishing to relive their high school years. You might think that this is a song I hate to love because it's usually sung by a quartet of cute girls, and now that I think of it, maybe you're right. Who doesn't like excited beauties belting out a song? On the other hand, it's usually chosen by inexperienced karaoke singers. Because there are two singing parts and usually four singers who get up together, the song often becomes a confused mess and devolves into shouting. Every now and then though, "Wannabe" is perfect guilty pleasure. Spicy!
"Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leppard
Although I understand that "sugar" refers to the woman being sung to in the song, it just sounds all wrong to me, especially the lyric: "I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet." Although it's a fun song, it's often requested by guys who have drunk too much cheap beer in their life and are somewhat unfamiliar with personal hygiene, begging the question why anyone would want to pour sugar on them. I guess you could call it the "gross" factor. On the other hand, it's quite delightful when a woman sings it. "I'm hot, sticky sweet" takes on a whole other meaning.
"American Trilogy" by Elvis Presley
This is another song I love to hate because I just hate it. Although it was a huge hit for Elvis and is quite stirring musically, it starts off with "Dixie." You know - "wish I was in the land of cotton..." "Dixie," as the unofficial anthem of the Confederacy, makes me cringe, and if a song can make Sid Stein cringe, it must really be cringe-worthy. I think it's racist so please don't request it. I won't play it. Sometimes, I just have to exercise disc jockutorial discretion. Shout out to Jesse Calhoun for coming up with that term.
"What A Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong
Without dispute, this is a beautiful song and Louis Armstrong is one of my all-time favorite musicians. Unfortunately, it's often requested by people who insist on mimicking Armstrong's unique voice. Plenty of people strive to sound like Elvis or Sinatra, but this is the song most caricatured at karaoke. When sung by a white person mimicking Armstrong, the song takes on a minstrel show quality, which like "Dixie," makes me cringe. If you want to sing it, go ahead. Just lose the Louis Armstrong voice. Thanks!
"Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
First of all, it's a long song which can make singers who are waiting get antsy. That being said, it's not a bad song. It's a good sing-a-long. On the other hand, it often gets mangled by overzealous drinkers. When I originally posted this, I called the song "Total Eclipse of the Sun." I am sure I have seen that on request slips more than once. Still, I should have caught that mistake. Thanks for pointing out the error, Chris! It's good to know I can rely on my karaoke nation!
"Creeep" by Radiohead
Please refer to my previous post about this song which was published on October 13, 2013.
"My Way" by Frank Sinatra
I don't think there is a Sinatra song that I don't like. Some are better than others, but none are bad. I absolutely love Frankie. Sometimes it comes out great. Other times, I wonder if we shouldn't restrict our 2nd Amendment rights. I read in the New York Times that some singers in the Philippines have been murdered for murdering this song at karaoke.
"Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond
Another catchy song gone awry too many times. It's a huge crowd-pleaser and everyone loves to sing along. Unfortunately, it's beyond the range of many who choose it. It's often sung by novice singers who think they can "kill" it, not realizing that the crowd loves the song no matter how poorly it's sung. I can't tell you how many times someone new to my show has come up to me and told me that they are going to bring the roof down with this song. Truthfully, there have been times when I wished the roof really did come down.
"Summer Nights" from "Grease" by Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta
First of all, get the name of the song right. It's "Summer Nights," not "Summer Loving." It's a great duet and I will sing it when someone needs a partner. Here's a tip. If your karaoke DJ doesn't have this song, then the DJ has no business doing karaoke. We all have it. For some reason though, it's the song which most frequently is requested by people who don't look in my songbooks. The songbooks are there for a reason. You can browse for a song because you aren't sure what you want to sing or you can check to see if I have the song because you already know what you want to sing. When you come up and request it verbally (not submitting a request slip, that is), I might answer yes, and the bar serves Budweiser too. Too often I am asked, "Do you have Summer Loving?" I answer politely, "No, but I have "Summer Nights." "Ok! I'll sing that one." Then they "sing" it. Oy!
"Picture" by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow
Although I am not a fan of country music, it does have a place at karaoke. It's a very singable genre and this song is beloved by country fans. It can also ruin an otherwise upbeat night because it's so slow and on the long side. And, it's often sung by people who think they know it well but really don't. I often find myself thinking that I can't wait for it to be over.
"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
I love Queen and I love this song. Unfortunately, it often turns into a total "shit show." And it's a long shit show, to boot. If you're going to request it, please include at least one person who can carry the group.
"Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf
Most times, I would rather die. It's a very long song, hard to sing and almost always gets mangled. On rare occasions, it has been awesome. More often than not, it's the shittiest of shit shows and totally unbearable. And it goes on forever and ever. If it's a very busy night and a lot of singers are in the rotation, don't be surprised if I ask you to choose another song. It's not paradise for me. It's pure hell.
That's my list for now. It's not complete, but I think you get the picture. And just because I don't like a song, you can still sing it - most of the time. It's karaoke! I love you, Nation, with all your warts.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
One In A Million
If you have been following my blog, then you've learned that as much as I love karaoke, at the end of the day, it's still a business. Nevertheless, business does not exclude giving back to the community. On occasion, I have just that opportunity.
For most of my karaoke career, I have worked in the more urban areas of Albany, New York. It's where the majority of the bars are. Panhandlers and homeless people are part of the scenery all too often. I definitely saw an uptick in traffic during our Great Recession. Why do they call it great?
The homeless or borderline homeless generally ask for two things - money and cigarettes. One guy in particular, who I call "The Preacher," asks for something else. He wants to sing.
I first met "The Preacher" years ago when Pinto and Hobbs was still at the corner of State and Dove. He's an older, tall black man who would come in on occasion soliciting money for his charity. He looked the part of a preacher too, complete with black clothes, the white priest collar, a big cross around his neck and a bible in hand. He claimed that he ministered to underprivileged youth and had developed a program for them. Hence my name for him, Preacher. He was always well-mannered and soft-spoken. We developed a special bond, probably because I gave him money. I didn't buy the ministry bit, but what's a few bucks to someone in need? And he was always nice.
He never stayed for too long but always wanted to sing the same song - "One In A Million" by Larry Graham, a great soul classic from 1980. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxCBu45HgjE The Preacher sings beautifully. Transcendent really. Once in a while he would stay to sing a second song - "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong.
As I moved around from bar to bar, The Preacher always seemed to find me. He no longer solicited money from other people - just from me. I would help him when I could. And he still wanted to sing. And I would always let him. He never bought anything, but hell, what's one song in a night of singing?
No one seemed to mind when I called The Preacher up to sing. He never bothered anyone and usually stayed close to me until it was his turn. And he could sing the hell out of that song. A win-win, right?
Well, at some point, I had a gig on Lark Street. The Preacher found me there too. He came into sing. He looked a little older and it was apparent that he must have had some rough times with his health. He told me that too. There was no reason to doubt him. Still, he was his same sweet self with the same sweet voice.
Unfortunately, not everyone in business feels the same way I do about karaoke charity. The owner of that bar chased him out and admonished me for letting him sing, claiming he was a crack head. I had never seen any evidence of drug use. He was always lucid, and as someone who has seen actual crack heads, he wasn't one of them. There was no point in arguing - business is business and a gig is a gig and I needed the gig. I apologized to him. I felt awful.
One night as I was dj'ing, I saw him through the window. He wanted to come in; he wanted to sing. I shot him one of those "I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do" looks. It broke my heart and really made me question myself as a person. I am just the DJ. It wasn't my business. I didn't set the rules. Should I have quit? In a perfect world I would have, but I still had bills to pay. I'll never forget the way he looked at me through the window - a combination of betrayal, confusion and maybe even love.
As I am writing this, I have been asking myself why I keep referring to The Preacher in the past tense. He's not dead. I just don't see him much anymore. He came in to sing a while back and sounded as good as ever. Even if he has forgiven me, it's just not the same between us anymore.
For most of my karaoke career, I have worked in the more urban areas of Albany, New York. It's where the majority of the bars are. Panhandlers and homeless people are part of the scenery all too often. I definitely saw an uptick in traffic during our Great Recession. Why do they call it great?
The homeless or borderline homeless generally ask for two things - money and cigarettes. One guy in particular, who I call "The Preacher," asks for something else. He wants to sing.
I first met "The Preacher" years ago when Pinto and Hobbs was still at the corner of State and Dove. He's an older, tall black man who would come in on occasion soliciting money for his charity. He looked the part of a preacher too, complete with black clothes, the white priest collar, a big cross around his neck and a bible in hand. He claimed that he ministered to underprivileged youth and had developed a program for them. Hence my name for him, Preacher. He was always well-mannered and soft-spoken. We developed a special bond, probably because I gave him money. I didn't buy the ministry bit, but what's a few bucks to someone in need? And he was always nice.
He never stayed for too long but always wanted to sing the same song - "One In A Million" by Larry Graham, a great soul classic from 1980. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxCBu45HgjE The Preacher sings beautifully. Transcendent really. Once in a while he would stay to sing a second song - "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong.
As I moved around from bar to bar, The Preacher always seemed to find me. He no longer solicited money from other people - just from me. I would help him when I could. And he still wanted to sing. And I would always let him. He never bought anything, but hell, what's one song in a night of singing?
No one seemed to mind when I called The Preacher up to sing. He never bothered anyone and usually stayed close to me until it was his turn. And he could sing the hell out of that song. A win-win, right?
Well, at some point, I had a gig on Lark Street. The Preacher found me there too. He came into sing. He looked a little older and it was apparent that he must have had some rough times with his health. He told me that too. There was no reason to doubt him. Still, he was his same sweet self with the same sweet voice.
Unfortunately, not everyone in business feels the same way I do about karaoke charity. The owner of that bar chased him out and admonished me for letting him sing, claiming he was a crack head. I had never seen any evidence of drug use. He was always lucid, and as someone who has seen actual crack heads, he wasn't one of them. There was no point in arguing - business is business and a gig is a gig and I needed the gig. I apologized to him. I felt awful.
One night as I was dj'ing, I saw him through the window. He wanted to come in; he wanted to sing. I shot him one of those "I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do" looks. It broke my heart and really made me question myself as a person. I am just the DJ. It wasn't my business. I didn't set the rules. Should I have quit? In a perfect world I would have, but I still had bills to pay. I'll never forget the way he looked at me through the window - a combination of betrayal, confusion and maybe even love.
As I am writing this, I have been asking myself why I keep referring to The Preacher in the past tense. He's not dead. I just don't see him much anymore. He came in to sing a while back and sounded as good as ever. Even if he has forgiven me, it's just not the same between us anymore.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Halloween 365?
Back when I was a kid, when mammoths and saber-toothed tigers roamed the earth, Halloween was a holiday for children. Adults didn't dress up. Hell, they even stayed home during trick or treating because parents didn't have to worry about the safety of their children. Well, times have changed for the better, especially for DJ's. I celebrated Halloween for an entire week this year. Although I don't want to credit the first person who slipped a razor blade inside an apple, sometimes you have to give credit where credit is due.
I suppose I could google the year when Halloween became an adult holiday, but I won't. It doesn't really matter so long as everyone has fun dressing up and going out to drink and listen to music or sing. And who doesn't like slutty nurses and cops?
No matter how we celebrate Halloween these days, it only comes once a year, right? That's true for most of us. However, there are those who walk among us who seem to celebrate Halloween all year. I'm not talking about those denizens of suburban malls who can't seem to get enough of Hot Topic. You know them - the Goth Kids. They're usually just going through a phase. After all, it's not easy growing up in the suburbs. And I bet that even Marilyn Manson doesn't dress up as Marilyn Manson every day. I'm also not talking about hipsters or even people who dress hip-hop every day. That's a cultural fashion choice, really. Rather, I am talking about Elvii, those guys with the hair and the sideburns who worship everything Elvis.
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (I have always maintained that it's vanity), then Elvis Presley is truly the king of Rock and Roll. You might say that Elvii are a dying breed, men dedicated to a dead rock star who are growing older themselves. If you think that, you'd be partially wrong. Check out the annual Elvis festival in Lake George, N.Y. or any other Elvis festival around the world. I did and I was amazed. Elvii come in all shapes and sizes AND ages. Long Live The King!
If you want further proof, then you should come with me to Dee Dee's, a bar in Latham, New York. I go there just about every Sunday night for karaoke. I am not the DJ, although I have filled in on occasion when the regular DJ had a conflict. I just go to hang out, have a few drinks and sing. Sometimes it's fun just to be a customer. It's also a great place to run into Elvii.
Big Mike is the resident Elvis who you are most likely to see. He's got the hair and all the Elvis moves when he sings Elvis. He also brings in his own Elvis tracks on CD. He doesn't just do karaoke. He does Elvis. He is also the guy who suggested I go to the Elvis festival. I even sat next to him on the Saturday night when Shawn Klush, who some consider to be the world's greatest Elvis impersonator, performed. As I watched Klush perform, I kidded Big Mike. "Hey, Big Mike! That guy is stealing all your moves!"
Big Mike is not the only Elvis who comes to Dee Dee's. There's a "Little Elvis" and this other guy who gives me the creeps. I try not to interact with him that much. He's not a very good Elvis anyway. I call him "Creepy Elvis." From what I observed, you wouldn't want to give this guy your address or phone number. There is also semi-Elvis, who has the hair, but I am suspicious of his commitment. He doesn't come too often anyway. By the way, we also have a Fonzie at Dee Dee's!
Before I knew that "Creepy Elvis" was actually creepy, I had a chance to DJ at Dee Dee's one night. All three of the primary Elvii were present, which is rare. It's not unusual to see two of them, but this night was special. I knew I had to do something as the DJ. So, I made all three get up to sing "Suspicious Minds." It was hysterical, although Big Mike later grumbled to me about "Creepy's" singing. Nevertheless, it was a great karaoke/Elvis moment. The crowd loved it.
The Elvis moment I engineered happened during the summer sometime. Months went by until Halloween came. Like every other bar, Dee Dee's had a Halloween party for the karaoke crowd. The only Elvis that night was "Creepy Elvis." No one likes him, but since he hasn't posed a danger to anyone at the bar, he's tolerated.
I was standing there chatting when "Creepy Elvis" walked in. I started laughing, making sure that "Creepy" didn't know I was laughing about him. I was suddenly struck by a funny thought. What does a guy who looks like Elvis all year round get dressed up as for Halloween? Elvis? That's not really a costume for these guys. I imagine they can't go as someone else because that would be some kind of betrayal to Elvis. I concluded that the only holiday that these guys can't really celebrate is Halloween! Kind of ironic, if you ask me. I shared my thoughts with some others at the bar and we all had a good chuckle.
I didn't want to ask "Creepy" about Halloween because he is, in a word, creepy. I have no idea what could set this guy off and I didn't want to find out. So it goes, sometimes.
As luck would have it, Big Mike came in the week after Halloween. I figured I could ask him about Halloween because we're buddies and he's not creepy. So, I asked him what he does on Halloween, considering he always looks like Elvis. I asked him if he could even celebrate the holiday. I was a bit concerned that he would be offended at the question because he might think I was ridiculing his life-style choice. He wasn't. He's a really nice guy and he knows I love him. He didn't answer the question verbally. He took me over to a corner of the bar to show me a picture. Big Mike in drag as Marilyn Monroe! Happy Halloween!! Sid out!
I suppose I could google the year when Halloween became an adult holiday, but I won't. It doesn't really matter so long as everyone has fun dressing up and going out to drink and listen to music or sing. And who doesn't like slutty nurses and cops?
No matter how we celebrate Halloween these days, it only comes once a year, right? That's true for most of us. However, there are those who walk among us who seem to celebrate Halloween all year. I'm not talking about those denizens of suburban malls who can't seem to get enough of Hot Topic. You know them - the Goth Kids. They're usually just going through a phase. After all, it's not easy growing up in the suburbs. And I bet that even Marilyn Manson doesn't dress up as Marilyn Manson every day. I'm also not talking about hipsters or even people who dress hip-hop every day. That's a cultural fashion choice, really. Rather, I am talking about Elvii, those guys with the hair and the sideburns who worship everything Elvis.
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (I have always maintained that it's vanity), then Elvis Presley is truly the king of Rock and Roll. You might say that Elvii are a dying breed, men dedicated to a dead rock star who are growing older themselves. If you think that, you'd be partially wrong. Check out the annual Elvis festival in Lake George, N.Y. or any other Elvis festival around the world. I did and I was amazed. Elvii come in all shapes and sizes AND ages. Long Live The King!
If you want further proof, then you should come with me to Dee Dee's, a bar in Latham, New York. I go there just about every Sunday night for karaoke. I am not the DJ, although I have filled in on occasion when the regular DJ had a conflict. I just go to hang out, have a few drinks and sing. Sometimes it's fun just to be a customer. It's also a great place to run into Elvii.
Big Mike is the resident Elvis who you are most likely to see. He's got the hair and all the Elvis moves when he sings Elvis. He also brings in his own Elvis tracks on CD. He doesn't just do karaoke. He does Elvis. He is also the guy who suggested I go to the Elvis festival. I even sat next to him on the Saturday night when Shawn Klush, who some consider to be the world's greatest Elvis impersonator, performed. As I watched Klush perform, I kidded Big Mike. "Hey, Big Mike! That guy is stealing all your moves!"
Big Mike is not the only Elvis who comes to Dee Dee's. There's a "Little Elvis" and this other guy who gives me the creeps. I try not to interact with him that much. He's not a very good Elvis anyway. I call him "Creepy Elvis." From what I observed, you wouldn't want to give this guy your address or phone number. There is also semi-Elvis, who has the hair, but I am suspicious of his commitment. He doesn't come too often anyway. By the way, we also have a Fonzie at Dee Dee's!
Before I knew that "Creepy Elvis" was actually creepy, I had a chance to DJ at Dee Dee's one night. All three of the primary Elvii were present, which is rare. It's not unusual to see two of them, but this night was special. I knew I had to do something as the DJ. So, I made all three get up to sing "Suspicious Minds." It was hysterical, although Big Mike later grumbled to me about "Creepy's" singing. Nevertheless, it was a great karaoke/Elvis moment. The crowd loved it.
The Elvis moment I engineered happened during the summer sometime. Months went by until Halloween came. Like every other bar, Dee Dee's had a Halloween party for the karaoke crowd. The only Elvis that night was "Creepy Elvis." No one likes him, but since he hasn't posed a danger to anyone at the bar, he's tolerated.
I was standing there chatting when "Creepy Elvis" walked in. I started laughing, making sure that "Creepy" didn't know I was laughing about him. I was suddenly struck by a funny thought. What does a guy who looks like Elvis all year round get dressed up as for Halloween? Elvis? That's not really a costume for these guys. I imagine they can't go as someone else because that would be some kind of betrayal to Elvis. I concluded that the only holiday that these guys can't really celebrate is Halloween! Kind of ironic, if you ask me. I shared my thoughts with some others at the bar and we all had a good chuckle.
I didn't want to ask "Creepy" about Halloween because he is, in a word, creepy. I have no idea what could set this guy off and I didn't want to find out. So it goes, sometimes.
As luck would have it, Big Mike came in the week after Halloween. I figured I could ask him about Halloween because we're buddies and he's not creepy. So, I asked him what he does on Halloween, considering he always looks like Elvis. I asked him if he could even celebrate the holiday. I was a bit concerned that he would be offended at the question because he might think I was ridiculing his life-style choice. He wasn't. He's a really nice guy and he knows I love him. He didn't answer the question verbally. He took me over to a corner of the bar to show me a picture. Big Mike in drag as Marilyn Monroe! Happy Halloween!! Sid out!
Monday, November 11, 2013
Sid Stein Cashes In One Of His Nine Lives - A Sid Stein Classic Tale From The Archives
Before I was a DJ, I was a lawyer who
enjoyed singing karaoke. Here’s a 2007 tale
pulled from the Sid Stein archives.
Today is my birthday. Although it’s a time
for celebration, I like to devote a portion of the day reflecting on my past.
It’s not the same brand of intense scrutiny required on Rosh HaShanah, the
Jewish New Year; rather, it’s a time to remember some close brushes with death.
I can only hope that I really do have nine lives.
It was Thursday - a cold winter night. I
started my evening in downtown Albany and eventually made my way up to the
Bleecker, at the corner of State and Dove. It was karaoke night and June was
still the bartender. June always took good care of me. Maybe she cared too much
for me on occasion. I probably shouldn’t have left her such good tips.
Thursday is my night to go a little wild.
It’s my favorite night of the week for going out and this particular Thursday
was no different. And yes, I knew better than to drive. Still, finding a cab in
Albany is sometimes tricky. One has the option of calling a cab from the bar.
Depending on availability, it can take a long time before one arrives. On the
other hand, it’s fairly easy to flag one down on Lark Street at the corner of
Madison. There are over six popular bars near that corner, not to mention the
queen of the capital region’s Dunkin Donuts, where Maria and Belinda, members
of the Latin coffee cartel, serve coffee, donuts and breakfast sandwiches to
cops, drunks and bums. I usually get a Coolatta and a coffee cake. Maria
sometimes treats me when she has questions about Family Court. She often does.
My destination this Thursday, however, was on the opposite corner. I wanted a
slice of Romeo’s pizza. I was hungry after a night of singing - and drinking.
From the Bleecker, it’s a solid 15-20
minute walk to Romeo’s. That’s how long it usually takes me anyway. I walk
slowly after a few hours of strenuous karaoke. I remember that I was in a good
mood, singing softly to myself as I made my way, west up State Street, past
brownstones, and then south on Lark. Lark is an eclectic mix of bars,
restaurants, shops and apartments. I would always pause and reflect at the
pink-painted brownstone formerly owned by Char until she had to file for
bankruptcy protection. Her former home is still pink. Apparently, no one has
brought it out of foreclosure. I have no idea why. Maybe it has ghosts. I
wouldn’t be surprised. Char is an Albany icon. A stunning blonde with pale yet
luminous skin, and always dressed in gothic black, Char owned the QE2, Albany’s
premier punk/hardcore rock club. She hosted some great bands over the years.
Char wasn’t a great business woman, but she knew music like no one else. A lot
of great acts performed there before becoming famous. She even had a double
bill of Soundgarden and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. My personal all-time
favorites were the Genitorturers and Jonathan Richman (he sang "There’s
Something About Mary). They each made annual visits. But, I digress. What I
want you to remember is that it was very late at night, close to 2 am and I was
minding my own business.
About halfway down Lark, I was confronted
by two men, both in their thirties. "What the fuck is your problem?"
the bigger one barked. Apparently, he was not in as good a mood as I. "I
have no fucking problems," I confessed. With that, the bigger and uglier
one got right up in my face. "You want to start something?" He was
full of questions. "Just get the hell out of here," I countered.
To be honest, I can’t recall the exact
conversation after this point. I do remember that I was in imminent danger of
getting my ass kicked. There were two of them, but even one could have
accomplished the feat without breaking a sweat. Sid, I thought, you’ve got a
problem - a big fucking problem.
All of a sudden, a tall black man came
bounding across Lark Street. He immediately positioned himself between me and
these rude and confrontational cavemen. "Why don’t you just turn around
and keep walking," he suggested. The bulkier Neanderthal responded:
"It’s not your fucking problem. I wasn’t talking to you. Stay out of
it." My rescuer remained calm and replied: "Listen, this is a black
man telling you to turn around and keep walking. I recommend that you do just
that." I was impressed by his quiet power. The two thugs stood their
ground. "Once again, this is a black man telling you to just turn around
and keep walking."
My would-be attackers appeared to reflect
on the moment and then turned and walked away. Even before I was finally able
to catch my breath, my savior put his arm around me and in an almost innocent
way, inquired: "Are you a top or a bottom?" "Sorry," I
replied. "I’m not gay, but thanks for coming to my rescue." "No
problem," he responded. "Glad I could help." And off he went.
In Albany, we have a saying just for these
moments - "Only on Lark Street."
I continued on my way to Romeo’s and
ordered two slices. Why not?
Friday, November 8, 2013
If You Want The Girl, Sometimes You Have To Tolerate Her Shit
As much as I liken karaoke to a religion, at the end of the day, it's still a business. A bar pays me X amount of money to stay X amount of time. A bar's purpose in hiring me is to sell alcohol by offering patrons a fun diversion. In other words, my job is to sell alcohol. If I want to keep my job, then I do my best to attract people to the bar who are ready to pony up their hard-earned money for drinks and food.
That being said, I frequently stay later without pay just because I love you guys and I love karaoke. I love when you have a good time and I enjoy entertaining. And that being said, I still have to sell alcohol - so thanks for drinking.
As for those of you who are not designated drivers and just order water, well, shame on you. I should have written about this as one of my pet peeves, but I didn't think about it until now. I am not saying that you have to drink alcohol or that you have to get drunk. I understand the concept of "bar hopping," having done it many times myself. I'll understand if you already had too much to drink somewhere else and stopped by to sing a song. Rather, I am addressing the person who comes in for a few hours, drinks nothing but water, and still thinks they have a constitutional right to maintain their spot in the rotation. At least order a soda or some food. The bar is a business, not a charitable organization. And if you think spending two dollars on a soda warrants keeping you in the rotation for three hours or more, then think again. I probably won't say anything to you, but really? If you are one of these non-spenders, then rest assured that the people spending money are going to sing before you. Still, I'll always give you the benefit of the doubt. Just don't become a repeat offender.
As someone who is trying to promote a business, certain factors come into play, some over which I have no control, but still have to deal with on any given night. Weather is big one. Can't control that. Other times, I am competing with a concert or a comedy show. There might have been some special event the night before which many of my regulars may have attended but are now too old to rock and roll two nights in a row. Yes, kids, as we age, it takes longer to recover. Sometimes it seems as everyone has the same cold. Gesundheit! In Albany, we can suffer from the "every other week" syndrome. Many people get paid every two weeks, so by the second week after payday, some are a little short on disposable income.
Over the course of a karaoke year, the factors outside my control balance out with especially beautiful weather or nights like the Wednesday before Thanksgiving when the non-cookers are ready to jam all night long. Other factors are under my purview.
At this point in my karaoke career, I've found that it's fairly easy to dj when I have a crowd. Get people up as quickly as possible and keep the bumper music in between singers upbeat. Throw in some one-liners and you have a show. It might turn out to be somewhat frustrating for people who want to sing more often, but as I have said before, I can't warp time. On the other hand, when it's slow, dj'ing is more of a challenge. First of all, many nights start slowly. People don't come out as soon as I start my show. That's the normal order of things. Although I don't always know if a particular night is going to be busy, absent factors which might suppress a crowd, like snow or rain, I don't worry about it if I know it's usually a decent night. In those cases, until it picks up, I play more music in between singers, saving the big hits for later when the crowd gets bigger. It's all about maintaining a good "flow."
As a DJ, there is something you don't want to do. You don't want a nascent crowd to leave because there isn't a critical mass of people essential for a good time. My job is to keep you there until the reinforcements arrive. Not too many people like an empty bar. Whether a person is looking to just have a good time or even looking for love, an empty bar holds little promise. People like people. It's not uncommon for someone to walk into a bar, take a look around, and upon discovering there are only a few people and no one you know, to turn around and try somewhere else. That's true of any bar, whether or not there is entertainment. So I do what I can to get things rolling. I'll tailor my song selection to the people there. Maybe I'll tell a funny story. Hopefully, all goes well and the crowd arrives.
Another big factor in maintaining a crowd, at a straight bar anyway, is a good gender mix. People do come out hoping to find love and/or sex. There have been nights when a bunch of guys came in looking for women and left after one beer because they couldn't find any. It kills me when 20 minutes after they leave, a group of women come in hoping to find some guys, only to be disappointed. Timing really is everything. Like it or not, in business, sex sells. It's a fact of life and I can't ignore it. So, if a group of guys come into a fairly empty bar, I always hope that a group of women will soon follow. Or vice versa.
Then there are nights when I just don't know what to expect. Such was the case recently. It was the middle of the week, the wind was blowing furiously and some of my early regulars failed to materialize. Slow nights happen - another fact of life. When they do happen, it's my job to keep whoever is there for as long as possible by providing them with a good time. And, you never know. There might be a late rush.
The other night there was just a handful of guys but only one woman. Normally, this lopsided mix is not a good thing for building a crowd, especially when the woman is with her boyfriend. This woman, however, was stunning. She was a tall, beautiful brunette and had a very Marilyn Monroe quality about her, although that may have been attributable to her alcohol consumption - she was celebrating her boyfriend's birthday. Sporting a little black dress with excellent decolletage (google it if you don't know what it means) and "fuck me" pumps (thanks Amy Winehouse), she had the rapt attention of every guy at the bar. If this sounds at all sexist to you, it is. I apologize. I'm just doing what a working dj can do to keep his gig. I have bills to pay.
And she sang! Not well, mind you, but with feeling. It was like Madeline Kahn doing her Marlene Dietrich impression for a bunch of cowboys in "Blazing Saddles." She sang and giggled at the same time. The guys loved it.
Before you totally get on my case about this blatant sexism, my interest in this woman was purely business. Quite simply, she was entertaining. Entertaining is my job. I was hoping she would stay long enough until the cavalry arrived.
There was just one problem. Her boyfriend. It's not that he was jealous or upset by the attention she was receiving. He was a good sport about the whole thing. Rather, he stunk. I mean badly. A few of us speculated that he had shit his pants. Whatever the cause of the stink was, it was nearly unbearable. Was it some kind of maniacal social experiment? Did he shit his pants on purpose with the evil intention of learning how long men could tolerate his smell while enjoying the spectacle of his girlfriend? Did she know? Was he into some kind of shit fetish? Does he have his own blog?
Whatever it was, the guys enjoying his entertaining girlfriend were not complaining. I guess that it comes down to this - if you want the girl, sometimes you have to tolerate her shit.
That being said, I frequently stay later without pay just because I love you guys and I love karaoke. I love when you have a good time and I enjoy entertaining. And that being said, I still have to sell alcohol - so thanks for drinking.
As for those of you who are not designated drivers and just order water, well, shame on you. I should have written about this as one of my pet peeves, but I didn't think about it until now. I am not saying that you have to drink alcohol or that you have to get drunk. I understand the concept of "bar hopping," having done it many times myself. I'll understand if you already had too much to drink somewhere else and stopped by to sing a song. Rather, I am addressing the person who comes in for a few hours, drinks nothing but water, and still thinks they have a constitutional right to maintain their spot in the rotation. At least order a soda or some food. The bar is a business, not a charitable organization. And if you think spending two dollars on a soda warrants keeping you in the rotation for three hours or more, then think again. I probably won't say anything to you, but really? If you are one of these non-spenders, then rest assured that the people spending money are going to sing before you. Still, I'll always give you the benefit of the doubt. Just don't become a repeat offender.
As someone who is trying to promote a business, certain factors come into play, some over which I have no control, but still have to deal with on any given night. Weather is big one. Can't control that. Other times, I am competing with a concert or a comedy show. There might have been some special event the night before which many of my regulars may have attended but are now too old to rock and roll two nights in a row. Yes, kids, as we age, it takes longer to recover. Sometimes it seems as everyone has the same cold. Gesundheit! In Albany, we can suffer from the "every other week" syndrome. Many people get paid every two weeks, so by the second week after payday, some are a little short on disposable income.
Over the course of a karaoke year, the factors outside my control balance out with especially beautiful weather or nights like the Wednesday before Thanksgiving when the non-cookers are ready to jam all night long. Other factors are under my purview.
At this point in my karaoke career, I've found that it's fairly easy to dj when I have a crowd. Get people up as quickly as possible and keep the bumper music in between singers upbeat. Throw in some one-liners and you have a show. It might turn out to be somewhat frustrating for people who want to sing more often, but as I have said before, I can't warp time. On the other hand, when it's slow, dj'ing is more of a challenge. First of all, many nights start slowly. People don't come out as soon as I start my show. That's the normal order of things. Although I don't always know if a particular night is going to be busy, absent factors which might suppress a crowd, like snow or rain, I don't worry about it if I know it's usually a decent night. In those cases, until it picks up, I play more music in between singers, saving the big hits for later when the crowd gets bigger. It's all about maintaining a good "flow."
As a DJ, there is something you don't want to do. You don't want a nascent crowd to leave because there isn't a critical mass of people essential for a good time. My job is to keep you there until the reinforcements arrive. Not too many people like an empty bar. Whether a person is looking to just have a good time or even looking for love, an empty bar holds little promise. People like people. It's not uncommon for someone to walk into a bar, take a look around, and upon discovering there are only a few people and no one you know, to turn around and try somewhere else. That's true of any bar, whether or not there is entertainment. So I do what I can to get things rolling. I'll tailor my song selection to the people there. Maybe I'll tell a funny story. Hopefully, all goes well and the crowd arrives.
Another big factor in maintaining a crowd, at a straight bar anyway, is a good gender mix. People do come out hoping to find love and/or sex. There have been nights when a bunch of guys came in looking for women and left after one beer because they couldn't find any. It kills me when 20 minutes after they leave, a group of women come in hoping to find some guys, only to be disappointed. Timing really is everything. Like it or not, in business, sex sells. It's a fact of life and I can't ignore it. So, if a group of guys come into a fairly empty bar, I always hope that a group of women will soon follow. Or vice versa.
Then there are nights when I just don't know what to expect. Such was the case recently. It was the middle of the week, the wind was blowing furiously and some of my early regulars failed to materialize. Slow nights happen - another fact of life. When they do happen, it's my job to keep whoever is there for as long as possible by providing them with a good time. And, you never know. There might be a late rush.
The other night there was just a handful of guys but only one woman. Normally, this lopsided mix is not a good thing for building a crowd, especially when the woman is with her boyfriend. This woman, however, was stunning. She was a tall, beautiful brunette and had a very Marilyn Monroe quality about her, although that may have been attributable to her alcohol consumption - she was celebrating her boyfriend's birthday. Sporting a little black dress with excellent decolletage (google it if you don't know what it means) and "fuck me" pumps (thanks Amy Winehouse), she had the rapt attention of every guy at the bar. If this sounds at all sexist to you, it is. I apologize. I'm just doing what a working dj can do to keep his gig. I have bills to pay.
And she sang! Not well, mind you, but with feeling. It was like Madeline Kahn doing her Marlene Dietrich impression for a bunch of cowboys in "Blazing Saddles." She sang and giggled at the same time. The guys loved it.
Before you totally get on my case about this blatant sexism, my interest in this woman was purely business. Quite simply, she was entertaining. Entertaining is my job. I was hoping she would stay long enough until the cavalry arrived.
There was just one problem. Her boyfriend. It's not that he was jealous or upset by the attention she was receiving. He was a good sport about the whole thing. Rather, he stunk. I mean badly. A few of us speculated that he had shit his pants. Whatever the cause of the stink was, it was nearly unbearable. Was it some kind of maniacal social experiment? Did he shit his pants on purpose with the evil intention of learning how long men could tolerate his smell while enjoying the spectacle of his girlfriend? Did she know? Was he into some kind of shit fetish? Does he have his own blog?
Whatever it was, the guys enjoying his entertaining girlfriend were not complaining. I guess that it comes down to this - if you want the girl, sometimes you have to tolerate her shit.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Who Cares What The Fox Says? I Know Where The Socks Go!
This isn't a story about karaoke, but rather, about an important mystery we have all shared. Since it happened at a gig one night, I thought I should report it in my blog, especially because socks rhymes with fox and it seems everyone wants to know what the fox says.
Where DO the socks go? We have all speculated on the phenomenon of lost socks. We put them in the washer, then the dryer, but then where do they go? The chain of evidence is never in doubt, yet somehow, socks can disappear. One theory holds that socks can somehow be "eaten" by the washer or the dryer. This scenario, however, makes little sense if you really about it. If it was true, then wouldn't the sock clog the machine causing it to break down at some point? One person I asked postulated that the sock can break down into lint and you'll find it in your lint screen, but we all know how implausible this theory is. What kind of devil dryer could do this to a sock?
Have you ever considered this problem from the viewpoint of a sock? Of all our clothing, socks get the least amount of respect. They absorb the sweat from our feet, we stand on them all day and as close as they are to our shoes, which are frequently the subject of compliment, socks get no such recognition. One might argue that a man's boxers, etc, or a woman's panties see more dirt, but they are at least in charge of protecting sensitive, vital areas. We have all heard of sexy lingerie, but lingerie doesn't include socks. T-shirts, once just underwear, are now regularly worn on the outside, often decorated with funny slogans or trumpeting the places you have visited. Marlon Brando, no less, immortalized the "wife-beater" in "Streetcar Named Desire." The only time socks are ever considered sexy is when they are knee socks as part of a sexy Catholic school girl Halloween costume; and if we really think about it, it's not the socks which are actually sexy. Socks are also the only regularly worn article of clothing which comes in pairs. Even when we don't lose socks in the laundry, we still have to match them which can be a pain in the ass. We'll even make fun of someone who isn't wearing matching socks.
So, if you had to be an article of clothing, why would you want to be a sock? You wouldn't. Maybe socks feel the same way.
I had just finished setting up my equipment and was chatting with a friend at the bar before my show started. As I was standing by the bar, I noticed something stuck to my shoe. It was black, and at first, I thought it was a piece of paper. As I shook my leg to get it off, a sock slipped out of my pant leg! A-HA! Apparently, socks hide in other articles of clothing, then try to escape when you aren't paying attention! But I caught this one! Sneaky little devils! Now you know where the socks go. Sid out!
Where DO the socks go? We have all speculated on the phenomenon of lost socks. We put them in the washer, then the dryer, but then where do they go? The chain of evidence is never in doubt, yet somehow, socks can disappear. One theory holds that socks can somehow be "eaten" by the washer or the dryer. This scenario, however, makes little sense if you really about it. If it was true, then wouldn't the sock clog the machine causing it to break down at some point? One person I asked postulated that the sock can break down into lint and you'll find it in your lint screen, but we all know how implausible this theory is. What kind of devil dryer could do this to a sock?
Have you ever considered this problem from the viewpoint of a sock? Of all our clothing, socks get the least amount of respect. They absorb the sweat from our feet, we stand on them all day and as close as they are to our shoes, which are frequently the subject of compliment, socks get no such recognition. One might argue that a man's boxers, etc, or a woman's panties see more dirt, but they are at least in charge of protecting sensitive, vital areas. We have all heard of sexy lingerie, but lingerie doesn't include socks. T-shirts, once just underwear, are now regularly worn on the outside, often decorated with funny slogans or trumpeting the places you have visited. Marlon Brando, no less, immortalized the "wife-beater" in "Streetcar Named Desire." The only time socks are ever considered sexy is when they are knee socks as part of a sexy Catholic school girl Halloween costume; and if we really think about it, it's not the socks which are actually sexy. Socks are also the only regularly worn article of clothing which comes in pairs. Even when we don't lose socks in the laundry, we still have to match them which can be a pain in the ass. We'll even make fun of someone who isn't wearing matching socks.
So, if you had to be an article of clothing, why would you want to be a sock? You wouldn't. Maybe socks feel the same way.
I had just finished setting up my equipment and was chatting with a friend at the bar before my show started. As I was standing by the bar, I noticed something stuck to my shoe. It was black, and at first, I thought it was a piece of paper. As I shook my leg to get it off, a sock slipped out of my pant leg! A-HA! Apparently, socks hide in other articles of clothing, then try to escape when you aren't paying attention! But I caught this one! Sneaky little devils! Now you know where the socks go. Sid out!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Pet Peeves
Before I get started with my list of karaoke pet peeves, keep in mind that I love all of you - some more than others, of course. And, even though some behaviors can be quite annoying, I always keep in mind that many of you are drinking, sometimes heavily. So, absent someone breaking my equipment or getting physical with me, I forgive your missteps quickly, often with just a roll of the eyes. As with many things, timing affects my degree of annoyance. If it's not busy, then I let a lot of "peeves" slide. However, if the bar is packed and I have thirty or forty people in the rotation, constantly bugging me is far less appreciated. One last thing. These are pet peeves, emphasis on pet. Although there are some chronic pains in the ass, the vast majority of you are wonderful and I wouldn't love karaoke so much without you. With that caveat, let's get started!
1) Am I Next?
I take pride in trying to be as fair as humanly possible. As I dj, a number of things are happening. I might be adjusting sound levels, adding people and their song selections to the rotation, picking songs for bumper music or thinking about snarky things to say on the mic. If you walk into a crowded bar and hand me a request slip, don't expect to be next. Everyone gets their turn. A song can last anywhere between three and five minutes on average. I cannot warp time for you no matter how much I wish I had this power. If you are constantly asking me if you are next, it's just annoying. On the other hand, if it's clear I am not in the middle of something and you ask me how long a wait it will be, I will do my best to give you a decent estimate.
2) Stage Name Changes
I totally get stage names. I have one - Sid Stein. If you have one too, that's great. However, if you think you can change your stage name every time you submit a request slip hoping to trick me into thinking you are a new singer, forget it. You might get away with it once on a busy night, but don't expect it will work twice. It's not fair to people who have been patiently waiting for their turn. What you can expect is a very long wait before you get to sing again.
3) Come On, Sid, Bump Me Up, We Go Back A Long Way - The Guilt Trip
One of the great aspects of being a karaoke dj is all the people I get to meet and become friendly with. However, if I haven't seen you in three years, please don't try to guilt me into bumping you up in the rotation because "we're old friends, Sid." Assuming we were, and unless you moved away and are visiting, where the hell have you been? I really don't think it warrants pissing off my regulars. It's just trying to take advantage of a relationship which probably didn't really exist anyway.
4) Submitting A Request Slip With Only One Name When You Know Your Friend Who Just Sang Is Joining You
If you are new to my show and don't understand how I work the rotation, I am understanding. Dj's have different philosophies about how to work the rotation. So, if you haven't been to one of my shows, it's up to me to explain to you after the song how I do things. I won't embarrass you. I will just ask you to be more specific about who will be singing with you, so one person doesn't get up three times in a row because he or she is merely "accompanying a friend." However, if you are aware of my dj'ing style, you're just being greedy.
5) Booing
Just wrong. Don't do it. We're trying to have fun. It's not amateur night at the Apollo Theater.
6) Bringing Me The Songbook
If the song is in the songbook, trust me - it's there. If you bring the songbook over to me during the show to point out which song you want to sing, keep in mind that the room is usually dark, my eyes focus at a different distance than yours and I can't see through your finger. There are request slips which you can fill out if you want to get into the rotation. You can even tell me the name of the song. I really can't see through your finger. Leave the book at the table.
7) Do You Know That Song On The Radio?
I usually do, but try to be more specific than la la la la. As you hum the melody in my ear while the music is playing, I can't hear you that well anyway. A hint would be helpful. Try to give me at least part of the title or the name of the artist.
8) Do You Know That Song by The Beatles?
Sure I do. I just can't guess which one you are thinking about. Everyone has a smartphone these days. Google that shit!
9) That's My Jam!
If your "jam" is a popular song, the chances are high that someone else will like it too. Please don't get mad at me because someone requested it first. Why were you late in the first place? There's always next time.
10) Grabbing The Microphone
This is one which really pisses me off. Everyone is waiting for their turn to shine. Don't ever jump up and grab a singer's mic or my mic so you can sing along. I don't care if it's "Don't Stop Believing" or "Bohemian Rhapsody." Wait your turn! If it's a song like "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the end of the night and I know you're friends with the singer, chances are that I will hand you a mic anyway. Be polite!
11) Put Me Up Next. I Am Great!
Unless your name is Shakira, and you are actually "the" Shakira, forget about it. I would make an exception for a Make-A-Wish kid. Besides, if you were really that great, you'd probably be getting paid to sing. Karaoke is for fun only.
12) Doing The Roger Daltrey
Please don't swing the microphone by the cord around your head. For starters, it's dangerous. Microphones cost money, so don't abuse my equipment. And, you're not Roger Daltrey.
13) You're A Hot Girl And You Rub Up Against Me Hoping To Get Bumped Up In The Rotation
Okay, I don't really mind this, but just don't expect it to work.
14) Handing Me 20 Bucks To Get Up Soon
I don't mind this. It works. Otherwise, you'll get up when it's your turn.
15) It's My Birthday! Make me next!
This depends on the situation. If we're at a big bar, don't assume that you are the only person having a birthday. I'll do my best so you don't have to wait too long, but be a little patient. If it's a smaller bar with fewer people, I will usually accommodate you pretty quickly. On the other hand, don't let my catch you lying about this.
16) Yelling At Me Because You Think I Skipped Over You
First of all, I didn't skip over you. As more and more singers come into the bar, I have to insert them into the rotation somewhere so they aren't waiting two hours to sing. I try to do this as fairly as possible based on when you came in and when the new person arrived. It's not always perfect, but keep in mind that I am trying my best. It's hard to keep track of everyone and when they entered the bar. So, if you sang after Sam the first time, but not the second time, that's the reason. New people. And yelling at me? Not a smart approach.
17) The Stare
Some people will sit and stare at me until their name gets called. First of all, it's kind of creepy. Secondly, it doesn't speed up time. Staring at me won't affect your spot in the rotation, but maybe you should try doing something else while you wait. Talk to other people. You're at a bar.
18) Screaming On The Mic
The microphones actually work and amplify your voice. No one likes screaming. Really.
19) Scowling At Me As You Stomp Out The Door Because You Didn't Get To Sing When You Wanted
Really? How old are you?
20) Forgetting Your Stage Name
If you are using a stage name, try to remember it. When I call you up and you don't respond, I will move on to the next singer after a few tries. So if you are skipped over, you only have yourself to blame. Don't get mad at me.
Except for a few of these, like booing, damaging my equipment or being mean or physically abusive, you'll find that I am pretty tolerant and cooperative. These are pet peeves for the most part. If you come to karaoke, come to have fun. Be patient and enjoy yourself! There's always next time.
1) Am I Next?
I take pride in trying to be as fair as humanly possible. As I dj, a number of things are happening. I might be adjusting sound levels, adding people and their song selections to the rotation, picking songs for bumper music or thinking about snarky things to say on the mic. If you walk into a crowded bar and hand me a request slip, don't expect to be next. Everyone gets their turn. A song can last anywhere between three and five minutes on average. I cannot warp time for you no matter how much I wish I had this power. If you are constantly asking me if you are next, it's just annoying. On the other hand, if it's clear I am not in the middle of something and you ask me how long a wait it will be, I will do my best to give you a decent estimate.
2) Stage Name Changes
I totally get stage names. I have one - Sid Stein. If you have one too, that's great. However, if you think you can change your stage name every time you submit a request slip hoping to trick me into thinking you are a new singer, forget it. You might get away with it once on a busy night, but don't expect it will work twice. It's not fair to people who have been patiently waiting for their turn. What you can expect is a very long wait before you get to sing again.
3) Come On, Sid, Bump Me Up, We Go Back A Long Way - The Guilt Trip
One of the great aspects of being a karaoke dj is all the people I get to meet and become friendly with. However, if I haven't seen you in three years, please don't try to guilt me into bumping you up in the rotation because "we're old friends, Sid." Assuming we were, and unless you moved away and are visiting, where the hell have you been? I really don't think it warrants pissing off my regulars. It's just trying to take advantage of a relationship which probably didn't really exist anyway.
4) Submitting A Request Slip With Only One Name When You Know Your Friend Who Just Sang Is Joining You
If you are new to my show and don't understand how I work the rotation, I am understanding. Dj's have different philosophies about how to work the rotation. So, if you haven't been to one of my shows, it's up to me to explain to you after the song how I do things. I won't embarrass you. I will just ask you to be more specific about who will be singing with you, so one person doesn't get up three times in a row because he or she is merely "accompanying a friend." However, if you are aware of my dj'ing style, you're just being greedy.
5) Booing
Just wrong. Don't do it. We're trying to have fun. It's not amateur night at the Apollo Theater.
6) Bringing Me The Songbook
If the song is in the songbook, trust me - it's there. If you bring the songbook over to me during the show to point out which song you want to sing, keep in mind that the room is usually dark, my eyes focus at a different distance than yours and I can't see through your finger. There are request slips which you can fill out if you want to get into the rotation. You can even tell me the name of the song. I really can't see through your finger. Leave the book at the table.
7) Do You Know That Song On The Radio?
I usually do, but try to be more specific than la la la la. As you hum the melody in my ear while the music is playing, I can't hear you that well anyway. A hint would be helpful. Try to give me at least part of the title or the name of the artist.
8) Do You Know That Song by The Beatles?
Sure I do. I just can't guess which one you are thinking about. Everyone has a smartphone these days. Google that shit!
9) That's My Jam!
If your "jam" is a popular song, the chances are high that someone else will like it too. Please don't get mad at me because someone requested it first. Why were you late in the first place? There's always next time.
10) Grabbing The Microphone
This is one which really pisses me off. Everyone is waiting for their turn to shine. Don't ever jump up and grab a singer's mic or my mic so you can sing along. I don't care if it's "Don't Stop Believing" or "Bohemian Rhapsody." Wait your turn! If it's a song like "Bohemian Rhapsody" at the end of the night and I know you're friends with the singer, chances are that I will hand you a mic anyway. Be polite!
11) Put Me Up Next. I Am Great!
Unless your name is Shakira, and you are actually "the" Shakira, forget about it. I would make an exception for a Make-A-Wish kid. Besides, if you were really that great, you'd probably be getting paid to sing. Karaoke is for fun only.
12) Doing The Roger Daltrey
Please don't swing the microphone by the cord around your head. For starters, it's dangerous. Microphones cost money, so don't abuse my equipment. And, you're not Roger Daltrey.
13) You're A Hot Girl And You Rub Up Against Me Hoping To Get Bumped Up In The Rotation
Okay, I don't really mind this, but just don't expect it to work.
14) Handing Me 20 Bucks To Get Up Soon
I don't mind this. It works. Otherwise, you'll get up when it's your turn.
15) It's My Birthday! Make me next!
This depends on the situation. If we're at a big bar, don't assume that you are the only person having a birthday. I'll do my best so you don't have to wait too long, but be a little patient. If it's a smaller bar with fewer people, I will usually accommodate you pretty quickly. On the other hand, don't let my catch you lying about this.
16) Yelling At Me Because You Think I Skipped Over You
First of all, I didn't skip over you. As more and more singers come into the bar, I have to insert them into the rotation somewhere so they aren't waiting two hours to sing. I try to do this as fairly as possible based on when you came in and when the new person arrived. It's not always perfect, but keep in mind that I am trying my best. It's hard to keep track of everyone and when they entered the bar. So, if you sang after Sam the first time, but not the second time, that's the reason. New people. And yelling at me? Not a smart approach.
17) The Stare
Some people will sit and stare at me until their name gets called. First of all, it's kind of creepy. Secondly, it doesn't speed up time. Staring at me won't affect your spot in the rotation, but maybe you should try doing something else while you wait. Talk to other people. You're at a bar.
18) Screaming On The Mic
The microphones actually work and amplify your voice. No one likes screaming. Really.
19) Scowling At Me As You Stomp Out The Door Because You Didn't Get To Sing When You Wanted
Really? How old are you?
20) Forgetting Your Stage Name
If you are using a stage name, try to remember it. When I call you up and you don't respond, I will move on to the next singer after a few tries. So if you are skipped over, you only have yourself to blame. Don't get mad at me.
Except for a few of these, like booing, damaging my equipment or being mean or physically abusive, you'll find that I am pretty tolerant and cooperative. These are pet peeves for the most part. If you come to karaoke, come to have fun. Be patient and enjoy yourself! There's always next time.
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