Sith Stein

My motto is "promoting better living through karaoke." I even believe it. Singing is enjoyable and therapeutic. That being said, I have used karaoke for other purposes.  As I referenced in previous posts, there is a dark side to karaoke.  Not everyone goes there, but I have. It's tempting and seductive.  Sometimes, I feel compelled as I did in my post entitled "Thank you, Ray J."

Although the incident described in "Thank you, Ray J," was personal and involved an ex-girlfriend, sometimes my forays into the dark side of karaoke merely entertain me.  Although I know I probably shouldn't "go there," I don't always have a filter and I go anyway, just because I can.

So, for this post, I thought I would share some of my favorite dark side moments. I encourage you to listen to the songs on YouTube and follow the lyrics.

1) "Kiss and Say Goodbye" by the Manhattans
     First of all, this is simply a great song. It's about a guy who has to break up with his lover and wants one last kiss. I enjoy a more cynical take on this classic. I think the guy in the song is a player who just wants to dump his lover but wants to extricate himself from the relationship as cleanly and neatly as possible. It's brilliant. He basically is asking the woman to get the hell out of his life but does it in such a beautiful way that she probably thanked him.  I have made more than one woman upset by singing this at karaoke. Cruel, I know.  I'm not perfect.

2) "Lately" by Stevie Wonder
     A gorgeous ballad about a man who suspects his wife is cheating. So you're wondering how I used this? I dated this woman who wasn't quite yet separated from her husband (divorced now) and we had to keep our relationship a bit secret until she actually moved out and started legal proceedings.  So she said.  She wasn't very happy when I sang this at karaoke, but hey, it's just a song, right?

3) "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors
     A Japanese exchange student used to come to karaoke while he was still in school locally. I always would introduce him as the grandson of the guy who invented karaoke. He got a big kick out of it.  I sang this song with him.  I felt a little racist about it but knew that he and I shared a lot of karaoke love. It was a moment.

4) "Smiling Faces" by The Undisputed Truth and "Backstabbers" by the O'Jays
     These are songs I sing when someone has pissed me off by being a two-faced, backstabbing asshole.  They are gender neutral. Hopefully, the day will come when I never have to sing them again. #rodneyking

5) "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap and "You're Sixteen" by Ringo Starr
     These songs are seriously wrong.  They should be against the law, but no! Who sings these? Roman Polanski, R. Kelly, Jerry Lee Lewis and Woody Allen? I suppose singing "You're Sixteen" is okay if you're sixteen or seventeen, but how old was Ringo Starr when he recorded it? 33! Johnny Burnette, who recorded the original, was 26 - not much better, but it was still included on the "American Graffiti" soundtrack. As for "Young Girl," what the hell? The song warns the girl to get out before the guy has the time to change his mind. The song even admits the relationship is "way outta line."
     If I feel so strongly negative about these songs, then why would I sing them at all? Why not? It's karaoke and we're talking about going to the dark side. If I sing "Young Girl" to a 28 year-old woman, no big deal. She's an adult. I do remember singing it to a guy once. A guy? Yeah. It was about 10 pm on a Sunday night when this guy walks into the bar with a little girl, presumably his daughter. Maybe she was 12. Maybe. As the father of three daughters, I was outraged. Who brings their young daughter to a bar at night? And a school night to boot! So I sang "Young Girl." I don't know if the guy got the point, but I hope so. So why did I sing "You're Sixteen?" I think it was Ringo's birthday.

6) "Come Together" by the Beatles
     It doesn't matter if I sing this classic or someone else does, my last line is always the same. "Hey, coming together is great, but if don't, it's not the end of the world. Keep trying!"

7) "Jesus Is Just Alright" by the Doobie Brothers and "I Don't Know How to Love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar.
     These are two of my Christmas songs. I think they're funny because I am Jewish. And I totally do a vamp version of "I Don't Know How To Love Him." I especially like bending over when I sing - "how did I get in this position?"
    I might as well throw in my Good Friday song with these two - "Number One Crush" by Garbage.  "I would die for you." Apropos, don't you think?

8) "99 Problems" by Jay-Z
     This is an empowerment song whenever I incur a romantic breakup.  "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."  Pretty self-explanatory.

9) "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg
     First of all, this is my all-time favorite go-to song. I just love it and so does the crowd. It allows me to be theatrical to the extreme. Sometimes, when I begin the song, I hear the detractors.  "Oh, look at the old guy trying to rap." Screw you, because I can nail it! I actually enjoy the detractors because at the end of the song comes the big finish - "Biatch!" And assuming that I don't think I will get beat up, I get right up in the faces of these guys and shout - Biatch! It's a thrill.

10) "Close to You" by the Carpenters
     When I first started singing karaoke, we had a great busty blonde bartender named June. She was great and deserved a song.  I would change the lyrics to "Close to June" and tout that she was named the most stalkable bartender by Metroland Magazine for the 5th year in a row. "Just like me, they long to be, close to June!" I would also claim that June had to take out an order of protection on me.

11) "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?" by the Shirelles
    Written by Carole King and featured on her album "Tapestry," I always sing the Shirelles' version.  It's faster.  Toward the end of the song, I go on a rant, screaming: "Love you tomorrow?  I won't even remember your name. And when I wake up in the morning, you'd better be gone!"  At times, I have gone really overboard with the rant, but only when I wasn't working. It's more fun after too many drinks.

12) "Love On The Rocks" by Neil Diamond
     This is a great song to sing to your girlfriend if you want to break up. I tried it once. If you do, just make sure you watch out for glass projectiles coming at you.

These are just some of the great songs you can sing at karaoke for the wrong reason. I am sure you can find your own. Just don't forget about the real purpose of karaoke - to promote better living.  Sid out!